Carli Travers: Even in my wildest dreams, I never imagined that I would be a mother to over 20 children and be living on the other side of the world in Uganda, Africa.

At the tender age of 21, I moved to Uganda with only a Diploma in Social Work under my belt.  I was terrified and excited for the adventure before me.  I was eager to learn and embrace a beautiful culture full of vibrant and compassionate people.  I was not going to save anyone or become the next Mother Theresa.  I was going to live life as I believe everyone should; with every intention to walk humbly, to seek justice for those in need and to show love and mercy.

Over the next 10 years, I married my incredible husband, Robert, who I met in Uganda, and together we brought more than 18 children into our family home and gave birth to five.  We fully embraced ourselves in village life, where the majority of families lived in mud huts with no running water. Our work with the families and the community kept us very busy on a daily basis.  

Elders help to raise our village to its fullest potential by educating children, especially the girl child, providing advocacy for physical and sexual abuse and rape survivors, running sports programs for the youth, literacy classes and loan programs for the women, and providing daycare for children with special needs, and resources for them and their families.

My ultimate mission is to see our project Abetavu (Safe Haven) become more self-sustainable, completely grassroots, and operated and run by Ugandans.  Specifically, by the people in our village and the children in our care.

Many foreigners have come to Uganda with their hearts in the right place, but they make the mistake of thinking that they are a super-hero ready to save the day.  They forget to take the time to sit and learn from the people that they have come to help.  For example providing a village with a well when what they most needed was a school.

I try my best to work at the ground level with the people in our community by holding regular town meetings, educational workshops and by placing them in leadership roles.  I never go in with the mentality that I know better, but as a student to learn and help guide when possible.  

On a daily basis in Uganda, I am surrounded by beautiful people who have a dream and plan for their life just like the rest of us.  Sometimes they lack the tools and resources, or merely the encouragement to persevere.  Helping is not doing everything for someone; it is believing in them and supporting them while they are trying to get out of a rut.

My biggest hope and dream for our project has already come true.  Two of the oldest children in our care, my amazing daughters, have furthered their education and used their new skills and training to help develop and run our project.  They have taken on the responsibility of two integral parts of our project and are doing an incredible job.  These are two fierce and brave young women who were once living on the streets as children without any hope.  Two heroic young women I was once told were worthless and a danger to my family if I brought them into my family home.  People often praise us for saving the children in our care, but there is a lot more to the story.  These children that we were discouraged to take into our family have blessed us beyond measure, and I am so proud and honored to have them call me Mom.

Life for everyone always seems to take twists and turns.  At times I feel like I am on a roller-coaster ride that won’t end, but one huge gift that Uganda has given me is learning life at a completely different pace: To live in the moment, never take anything for granted and to appreciate absolutely everything.  I have trouble being in the West.  Trying to keep up with all of the demands of life and restraints that everyone seems to put on themselves.

My fellow women, nothing is ever going to be perfect, and neither do we have to be.  So many precious moments slip through the cracks when we get so caught up in striving for the world’s expectations that make us way too hard on ourselves.  We all have scars and battle wounds.  Some of us are able to hide them better than others, but those scars, the imperfections are a part of what makes us beautiful.  It’s what sets us apart and makes us shine!  Never be ashamed of where you came from, what you have overcome or what you are working through.  

My precious daughters in Uganda are prime example of this.  They overcame huge obstacles and came out victorious.

A famous quote that I often cling to is by the amazing Maya Angelou, “You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated.  In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”

One of my biggest mistakes early into this was not holding value to self-care.  I have been burnt out numerous times, and ran on empty more than I would like to admit.  For a long time I struggled with the belief that I was never doing enough, it was hard being surrounded by so much despair.  During one of my fundraising trips to Canada I was counselled by an incredible woman that was able to get through my thick skull and help me understand that if I continued any longer in over-drive I would not only hurt myself, but that I would also not be able to be there for my children and husband.  

“I am not required to set myself on fire to keep others warm.” 

Slowly I have taken baby steps towards making time for myself and not feeling guilty about it.  A big part of this was understanding and accepting the fact that I am never going to be able to prevent all of the hardships that I encounter on a regular basis. I needed to delegate more of my responsibilities to others so that I was not the one carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.  At times it is hard, especially when faced on a regular basis by extreme poverty, having to bury children on a regular basis, and facing some atrocities without any justice provided for the victims.  At the end of the day, I have to remind myself that I may have not been able to prevent or solve the problem but at least they did not have to go through it alone.  That alone fills me with joy and gives me the courage to persevere.

My top three habits of excellence are to live with intention, be bold in the face of adversity and to live the life that I was destined for.

I would never be able to achieve any success on the ground without the support and hard work of my husband and the women in our village.  Through their exasperating efforts, the dreams for our project have become a reality.  In order for our work to even be possible on the ground, we depend on the financial support from our private donors in Canada.  Both efforts are integral to the operations of Abetavu.

My hobbies are reading and listening to music.  I am definitely not used to a quiet house or environment, so I like having music playing in the background while I am getting work done.

My favorite fruit is mangoes, they are like candy to me.

My favorite treat is sweet Georgia browns from Purdy’s.

The top three things on my bucket list:

• To go on a honeymoon alone with my husband (without the kids)
• To get my autobiography published
• To learn to drive in Canada.

I don’t help others because I yearn for the warm and cozy feeling that it gives, I do it because I believe in my heart that that is what we are all supposed to be doing.  If we could all just do our part, I truly believe that this world that we live in would not be such a hurting place.  I am not saying that you have to drop your life and go to Africa.  Your neighbour or the woman standing behind you at the supermarket might also benefit from compassion.  The wonderful thing about it is that most of the time it is contagious.  Go ahead, I dare you try out a random act of kindness, pay for a stranger’s bill, go out of the way to open the door for someone, smile.  It is all really that simple, and I can guarantee you that either your good deed will multiply or at the very least you will have brought renewed hope to someone’s life.  Remember, we are all in this together.

I am also a survivor of a painful past.  As a child I was sexually abused, and my self-worth was at zero.  The journey to overcome was long and painful but the strength and courage that it took to break the chains from the abuse has created a miraculous beauty from ashes.  I am no longer ashamed but instead eagerly share my story so that others may also be free from such debilitating pain.  I have had hiccups along the way.  I was raped at gun point in Uganda, and this set back my healing journey.  I am not going to lie, none of this was easy, but once you are able to be free from the pain, it makes the journey completely worth it.  I want to encourage and inspire my fellow women to embrace their pain, conquer it and be set free.  No matter how many tears you may have shed, there is a strong woman inside you.  There is light, promise and beauty in you.  Never forget that you matter, your life matters.

It is our job to build each other up.  This world is full of people who want to break you down and discourage you from success.  We need to stop comparing our bodies, our achievements, our overall lives; none of us amazing women are ever going to be the same, and that is the beauty of it all.  The world’s idea of a perfect woman is incredibly distorted and is ruining young girls’ perception of what a woman is supposed to be, especially in the West.  These girls depend on us to build them up so that they can grow into the beautiful woman that they were meant to be, not told to be.  When strong women come together and support each other incredible things happen, even if we do not get to experience the positive outcome for ourselves.  If our daughters, grand-daughters, the girl-child are able to grow up feeling loved, safe, proud, brave, beautiful and strong, then we have reached full success.

My ASK:  Abetavu needs your financial support so that we can continue our work.  Our donations have been down this year, and it is quite concerning.  Also, I have self-published my Autobiography “And Then She Was Free” about how I overcame childhood sexual abuse and my life in Uganda.  I encourage you to order a copy today and share my story with others.

To connect further with Carli, please visit www.abetavu.com or email traverscarli@gmail.com.

 Throughout our Winter 2016 quarter, Abetavu is our 100 x 100, PowHERfully recipient.  100 women gifting $100 each can make a powHERful difference, creating a powHERful change in a systemic way that positively  affects the lives of girls and women.

We encourage you to sign-onto our 100 x 100 page, make your pledge between the months of January – March and complete your gift to Abetavu online.