Sometimes I feel small
Sometimes I feel small
By Tara Fitzgerald
Each month The Story of Us features different changemakers on The Leader Path sharing their unique voice and perspective to positively impact the narrative we consume each day in the media. Today's author is AMPLIFY Artist of Impact, Tara Fitzgerald who invites us to remember that kids stories aren't just for young people. Through the eyes and ears of a child, we can all remember some of the simplest messages that mean so much. Sometimes I feel small is the third piece of a collection from new author Tara Fitzgerald.
Tara Fitzgerald has worked in community and public health since 2005. Tara is boldly curious, and committed to a health-systems approach that strengthens the well-being of the whole population. She believes we can best support, protect and strengthen our communities by increasing and sustaining the resources dedicated to addressing inequities in health. Tara works as a Director of Public Health, with Island Health (the health authority on Vancouver Island). Lately, what excites her is developing her voice as a writer, weaving in her personal experiences with her professional learnings. The beat of Tara's drum, and the story she wants to tell, is about raising two strong little girls (who happen to be twins), in these complex times.
Tell us a story mama, Ella and Ava asked….
Okay, snuggle in and I’ll tell you a story, their mama said the three of them tucked into bed for their favorite time of the day.
A time when the rest of the world disappeared and all that was left was the gentle glow of the fishtank, the snores of their dog, and the faint light from the lamp. The bed was warm and cozy - two little girls and their mom snuggled in tight….
Are you listening?
Here we go….
In a beautiful land, far away from the bright lights of the city
there was a girl named Grace,
who loved to walk in the forest and look for sea creatures at the beach
Grace had a friend named Alice
A good friend; maybe the best
They got along so well; the perfect pair
Those two were always together
When one needed help, the other was there
When one was happy, the other cheered
When one was sad, the other was there to hold her hand
The two friends had many adventures together
Exploring
Celebrating
Growing together
Getting through things together
Whenever there was a problem, it wasn’t so bad
Because what 1 couldn’t do, 2 could
Stronger together
Together; 2
Always
2
Over the years, they had many adventures
Lots of things changed
But not their friendship
They were 2
Better together
When one was stuck, the other had an idea
When one was down, the other found a way up
When they were together, sad became happy; boring became fun
The two had separate adventures but always came back together
When Grace visited new places, she couldn’t wait to tell Alice about everything she had seen
When Alice tried new things, Grace was excited to learn about them
And, when each of them met someone new, they were quick to talk all about their best friend
One day, Grace introduced Alice to a new friend, Emmy
There was lots of laughter, joy and fun
The two friends welcomed the third into their special world
1+1 was 2 but now there was another
The 3 of them got along easily, like a flowing river
It all clicked just right
Things added up: 2 became 3
The 3 friends explored together
They had many adventures
There were lots of laughs and fun
so many new memories were made
3 made 2 even better
More smiles; more laughs; more
As time went on, and the girls got older
They got to know each other better
And, they started to better understand themselves:
What they liked, what they wanted to do, what they didn’t care for at all
Some things they had in common
And others they didn’t
Sometimes 1 wanted to do something and 2 didn’t
Sometimes 1 was sad, while 2 were happy
Other times, all 3 would laugh in the forest or chase the waves in the ocean
Over time, Alice and Emmy got closer
And closer
The two began to stick together like peanut butter and jam
Where one went, the other was sure to be there too
2gether
3 had become 2 and there was just 1 left
We had become me
Grace watched the other girls have fun together
She heard their laughs and saw their smiles
Grace felt small
Grace felt alone
Maybe it’s a mistake, she thought
Maybe I can fix this, she hoped
Grace tried to turn 2 back into 3
She had a party - for all of them
She tried to make everything perfect: they sat outside on a beautiful summer night, ate fancy sandwiches
They laughed together and watched the dragonflies buzz by
The 3 of them
3
But, as the day went on
And the sun started to set,
2 started talking about their plans together
Just 2
Grace felt smaller and smaller
Like no one could see her
Like she didn’t matter
To anyone
Grace was sad
She went for a walk on the beach
She looked out at the ocean and thought
there is more than 3, there is more than me
So she continued to comb the beach, looking for treasures
lost in her thoughts; feelings swirling in every direction
the beach calmed her with every step
At first, Grace felt alone
Then she noticed everything around her
The sun, warm on her skin
The waves, lapping at her feet
She found a beautiful moonsnail shell
A dog started to chase her and she laughed
She smiled
Over time, she started to explore the forest again
Learning new trails; hugging trees she’d never met
Smelling flowers she had never noticed
Maybe she had just never looked
The forest calmed her - like a warm blanket on a cold day
Grace started to think maybe things could be okay
She could grow and change; maybe become stronger
Grace lay in the grass, dreaming
She imagined herself as a cloud, slowly changing shape
The next day, Grace was at the beach
She sat on a piece of driftwood
Unsure if she should feel lonely or content
A butterfly flew nearby, its papery wings struggling against the ocean breeze
The butterfly landed on Grace’s shoulder, resting for a minute
….slowly, oh so slowly fluttering its wings
And Grace knew
Everything would be okay
Because, while some things change - the most important things stay the same
Grace had a family that she loved more than anything
She loved to soak up the energy of the forest, and the ocean seemed to talk to her
She had new friends
And the possibilities were endless
While 3 had become 2 and there was just 1 left
There were many more adventures to be had
Grace was not alone
Grace looked out to the ocean, watched the waves, and knew that the tide would come in again...just as it always did…
It might be different
But it wasn’t less or more
It was filled with sea creatures, shells and the promise of tomorrow
As it always was
…
Well, how was that, the mama said to her daughters…..
Ella, with shining eyes looked up and asked: “Mama - was that story about you? Are you Grace?”
Darlings, we are all Grace. Friends are sometimes like the tide: they come and go. We have to enjoy them and learn all we can while they are here. Sometimes, friendships don’t last forever and that’s okay. Every day we learn something. Some days are hard and sometimes those lessons are difficult and make us feel sad.
But, yes, my loves - I was Grace. I am Grace. And I’m happier than ever because I have the things I cherish most.
But now, you need to rest so you can explore the world tomorrow.
Goodnight my loves.
Tara Fitzgerald is a health equity advocate on BC’s Vancouver Island. She resides on the traditional territories of the Ligwiłda’xw people; the We Wai Kai, Wei Wai Kum and Kwiakah First Nations. Vancouver Island’s Campbell River is where she calls home. She moved here six years ago from Treaty One Territory - Winnipeg Manitoba. Her partner’s grandmother and mother are proud members of the Snuneymuxw Nation of the Coast Salish People and their children self-identify as First Nations. As a family of multi-heritage cultures, they continue to grow into their Indigenous roots in their everyday lives. Tara is currently in the process of creating a collection of children's stories that invites us to remember there is much to learn through the experiences of a child.
