RELATIONSHIP TIPS - FROM THE OTHER SIDE
Contributing Writer: Angiola Oddo
Each month The Story of Us features different changemakers on The Leader Path sharing their unique perspective and contribution to the co-created world we are living in to. Today's author is AMPLIFY Social Impacter, Angiola Oddo who invites us to consider that marriage has always been an ever-evolving concept throughout history and across culture. It is a story we can write, re-write and redesign.
Angiola is a speaker, space holder and compassionate architect for the future of family relationships. As a mediator and the founder of The Change Builders, she is ready to shift the staggering statistics of broken families to one grounded in future focused connection. She offers that ‘when we really know how to be in relationship we become much stronger as an individual, which ripples out and impacts not only our families, but society as a whole’. Today’s relationships are complex. We are polyamorous, we are transgendered, we are co-parenting through multiple marriage dynamics. We are neuro-diverse. We are choosing to couple and un-couple, and we are re-imagining old traditions while creating new ones. Angiola understands this, and invites us to create a legacy of relationship that is harmonious and rooted in connection.
“As a progressive mediator who re-imagines and re-designs traditional and non-traditional relationships from the other side of the conversation, I see how little moments of attention can foster longlasting connection. I want to transform how we do relationships. Everybody has a story they’re coming from, but what about the story you want? It’s your life, you’re responsible for it and you’ve created it. It doesn’t mean it’s your fault, it means you have choice. When you understand that you can change your outcome.”
- Angiola Oddo
- Spend Time! Don’t Save it! – Couples who give time to each other grow closer.
- Sometimes you gotta stop talking and just listen – Stop assuming you know what your partner is thinking or feeling. Ask them, and then shut-up and really listen.
- See each other – Take a few minutes to notice what is awesome about your partner(s) and tell them.
- Walk a mile in their shoes – Look at the world through their eyes and watch your capacity for compassion, empathy, and kindness bloom.
- Do your own work – Stop trying to change your partner. Self-awareness begins by looking in the mirror. Get honest and curious about your own growth first.
- Be intimate – (not just physically) emotional intimacy is vital to creating and maintaining a healthy long-term connection. Create a safe space for your partner(s) to share what is going on for them without being judged or diminished.
- Don’t make your partner your whole world – Maintain outside interests, afterall your partner fell in love with YOU, so don’t let go of what makes you so loveable!
- Forgive, forgive, forgive – Start each day with a clean slate. Let go of the past. Forgiveness restores trust, fosters empathy, builds connection, and sets you free.
- Focus on each other’s strengths – Make a list of all the things you love and admire about your partner(s), and share it with them. You may just fall in love with you all over again!
- Give each other space – Simple right?
- Surprise each other – and do it without expecting anything in return. Do it for love!
- Swap chores – Sit down with your partner and make a list of your least favourite chores, then swap them. Do some of the chores your partner really doesn’t like doing. What a nice, caring way to lighten each other’s load.
- Let go of perfection – We are all a work in progress. Trust that each of you is doing the best with what you know.
- Laugh a lot – Find reasons to laugh whenever you can. Laughing is loving! Plus, a moment of levity breaks heaviness, eases tensions, and creates connection.
- Embrace change – Remember, years into a relationship, we are not the same people we were when we first met. Get curious about each other like you did when you were dating.
- Always say hello and goodbye – Take the time to hug and kiss one another when you come home and when you leave. Besides feeling great, affection builds respect and maintains connection, safety, and security.
- Make amends – Learn the difference between saying I’m sorry and making amends. Successful relationships have a strong practice of repair when there has been hurt. Saying I’m sorry isn’t enough. Show your partner that you understand how your behaviour affected them and tell them what you will do differently next time. Learn how to repair effectively. Your relationship depends on it.
- Be friends – Have fun, play together, share your secrets, enjoy each other the way you do with your best childhood friend.
- Take responsibility – We are all apt to say or do things we wish we hadn’t, so own your behaviour, your mood-swings, your not so wise choices, your unkind words, and your mistakes… and then make amends (see above!).
- Let go of the need to be right – How many arguments escalate because one or both people in a relationship are so invested in the need to be right? Just let it go!
- Quality versus quantity – of sex, that is. Some may be surprised to know that studies show the quality of physical intimacy has a greater impact on marital satisfaction than frequency. So do your research, and spice things up! You’ll be so glad you did.
- Talk about finances – Few conversations can be more emotionally charged than talking about money; yet, it’s critical to the health of your relationship that you learn to do so early on, and frequently. Get outside help, work with a counsellor and a financial planner. Even if you have different incomes, spending, or savings habits, it’s important to develop common goals and skills for resolving disagreements around money respectfully.
I get it, trying to implement all of these tips might make you want to give up before you start (it’s alot right?), so why not choose one a week and see what happens?
And trust me, something great is going to happen.
Angiola is a forward focused, trauma informed, progressive family and relationship mediator who works passionately in today’s shifting landscape of relationship and family norms. She understands inclusivity, diversity and complexity. She invites us to consider that what challenges us the most is also the most hopeful and potentially transformative.
Angiola Oddo is the founder of The Change Builders, a team of mediators, financial specialists, and family counsellors/coaches, who provide integrated and efficient guidance through the process of transitioning your relationship, including blending families, re-partnering and working through the complexity of re-imagining and (Re)Designing your relationships.