I struggle with how I need to parent to ensure my children’s confidence and self-worth shine most brightly.
I want to try and help them avoid the pitfalls of negative body image and self-consciousness. Pitfalls that I wasn’t able to successfully avoid. Pitfalls that I am only now learning to navigate.
We live in a world that reminds us daily of how we should look instead of focusing on feeling healthy and strong, proud of who we are regardless of our shape or size. Conscious Me recognizes how I should feel about my body, yet Self-Conscious Negative Me still allows self-defeating thoughts to overtake me in terms of how I should look. If I struggle with this, how am I supposed to ensure that my children, my son and daughters, find their strongest sense of self without the constant pull of a negative body image?
There is a fine line. I work my butt off, literally, for a fit body. I know and respect my body’s limitations and needs. I am proud of my body and generally maintain an overall feeling of accomplishment – yet, I still wish I had a torso like Gisele and legs like Heidi Klum. Is this envy a commonplace feeling? Are we always going to wish we were more or had better?
I realize the insecure parts of me project a negative image back onto myself. I also know that as I have gotten older and had children, my image of myself has definitely morphed into a stronger level of positivity- yet here I am, still questioning when I will snap out of it and find complete confidence – owning with great thankfulness my powHERful body that I know I am capable of having – and passing this confidence and knowing onto my children.
There was an Instagram photo that went viral not too long ago of Rachel Hollis, a mother of three, bikini clad with a caption, “I have stretch marks and I wear a bikini.” Through her social media effort she was able to express ‘Being you is the best you to be!’
Although the media makes us feel we should be a certain way, we need to step outside of that box and “flaunt that body with pride!” Why do so many women respond to this type of image? My guess is that somehow – be it positive or negative – we all feel something towards our bodies and the way society places false expectations on us. Be it conscious or subconscious, our society is obsessed with the lives of other people and their versions of perfection. Perfection. There is no such thing – yet we unknowingly try to attain this shiny glimmer in the distance, chasing this false hope like a dog chases a ball. Do we chase something to constantly propel ourselves forward? Not always a bad thing but I guess that would depend upon what it is we are chasing – and why. Having something to strive for is a positive thing. But loving who we are is what truly matters. Without love for ourselves how can we truly teach our children how to hold themselves with the highest love and greatest value. I know this is what I want for my family.
I wear a bikini. Yes, I do. I’ve never thought much of it. Some days I feel like I am rocking it – and others I feel I should locate the nearest muu-muu. Recognizing this is the first battle. I know that my body was a house for three humans. I know that I am aging, and my hormones will never be the same. I know that I work out most days and eat a healthy diet… and I also know that I enjoy life and the joys that come with it (insert wine, good food, family and friends here). So herein lies the balance. I am sure I COULD have those legs like Heidi or that bod of Gisele if that was my primary goal but somewhere along the path, I also decided that I have a life worth living – living fully – and I am proud of the person I am, the wife I am, the mother I am, the friend I am, and the life I live.
There is so much more in life to conquer than a feeling of a ‘fat day’ – and I am going to do everything in my power to ensure my kids know this, live this and love themselves.
My girls are 5.5 and 3.5 years old. About a year ago while on a family vacation, I overheard a woman talking to her friend about how appalled she was over the age of little girls wearing bikinis. “They have all the time (in the future) to wear such things and should be covered up more.” I sat to listen to them speak and then allowed my mind to drift into rage and annoyance over – yet again – a society standard set all too young. It is sad that this woman felt so insecure that she projected her own insecurity onto young children. It made me take notice of the monkey- see monkey-do actions of children and their parents – a scary realization. I want my girls to forever feel confident in their bodies – and in whatever they choose to put on them – and at this age that confidence starts with me.
THIS BIKINI SEASON I challenge you to snap a pic and join the likes of Rachel Hollis. Let’s be the change and show the world that we CAN love ourselves, and that we WILL find body confidence and pay it forward to the generations that follow. Life is so much more than a number on a scale.
Head on over to my blog brittanderson.com where I will be posting my first-ever suit selfie, and I dare you to do the same. Let’s fill the viral world with body empowHERment – and share the love! Hashtag us on Instagram #bikiniempowHERment (@foreclothes), and lets see if we can blow this up! You can also post a selfie in the comments section of my personal blog.
If we want to see the change we have to BE the change. It starts at home, within us, and with love – for yourselves, our bodies and our children. Here is a great quote from a fellow mommy blogger that perfectly summarizes such an important message for real women everywhere … and for our children.
“Real women have curves.
Real women have stretch marks.
Real women have loose skin.
Real women have abs.
Real women have muscles.
Real women are whatever the hell they want to be.
Embrace what makes you, you. Don’t let anyone shame you and mostly do not shame anyone else.
Embrace all women of different shapes and sizes.
Because we are all real.
Period.”
