By: Tanis Frame, PowHERhouse Guest Contributor
Father’s Day is rolling around once again, and I’m grappling with what to do to somehow honor the man who not only co-parents my two zany girls but who has been my partner on this wild journey called life for almost 20 years. Somehow a Persephone growler, or sending him off for poker night with his buds just doesn’t seem that inspired. And that got me thinking…
I spend my days and nights living out my mission to help take moms from barely freaking SURVIVING, to HELL YA! THRIVING, and am wondering about the men in this parenting journey. For sure it’s different, but there are elements that are totally the same. We start parenting and it’s assumed that we need to spend the next 10-20 years in the trenches barely getting by on little sleep, little patience, and non-existent self-care. Anything that really feeds US wreaks of being selfish or self-indulgent.
One of the biggest barriers for us MAMAs is simply giving ourselves PERMISSION to THRIVE. To ask for, or simply claim the time, space and energy to do the things we know will help us thrive, rather than stay stuck in survival mode. Enough with promising to take care of ourselves as soon as…. (insert here… the youngest is in preschool, or kindergarten, sleeps through the night, graduates, …. and it goes on!) And that’s the thing… it does go on. There will never be a time where we’re swimming in excess time or money to just take care of ourselves.
What if this Father’s Day we gave our partners the permission to thrive, and gave it to ourselves while we’re at it. This isn’t something that’s going to take away from our kids. It’s the greatest gift we can give them too.
Think about it…. Tell me your kids, or your hubby, or you wouldn’t prefer to wake each day to a partner or parent who is grounded, healthy, fulfilled, and all-round thriving… that’s the best gift you could possibly ever give. And by choosing to give yourself permission, you’re giving them permission too. Permission to fill our cups, permission to be truly US, not an overwhelmed, overtaxed, and barely surviving shadow of ourselves.
How about this Father’s Day asking him…”What would you love to be doing that you just don’t have the time/energy/money to do since you became a Dad?” What would it be? Work-out regularly? Go fishing? Overnight hiking trip? Time to make music? Night out with the guys? That new road-bike? A chance to just play?
Try it, sit down and have the conversation about what little shifts you could both make to create the space for each of you to do something you know is SOUL FOOD!
I know what I’m giving my hubby. Ever since we had our girls, we’ve both been pretty good about being active, but he’s only been able to putter away with his music, 20 minutes here or there every once in a blue moon. He’s yearned to take it to a new level and would LOVE to take this certain course in the Fall… but he’s hesitant, cause it’ll be a stretch for our family to make the time and spend the money on it.
But it’s a done deal in my mind… I want to live with, and have my kids fathered by, a guy who is fulfilled and joyful in life; and super content then to do the early mornings, be chill through the meltdowns, play with enthusiasm… and, perhaps selfishly, I want to be with someone who will give me the permission and support to THRIVE too!
This Father’s Day, make the choice together to get the heck outta survival mode, and fit in one little thing that will put that spring back in your step. Try it, you both might surprise yourself with what a little PERMISSION SLIP can do. Oh and maybe I’ll give him that growler and poker night too… 😉
Tanis Frame is the Sunshine Coast Mama and PowHERhouse behind SCIENCE meets SOUL. She is on a mission to support fierce Moms and their families to thrive, and help them bust right out of survival mode. A sought-after speaker and PLAY-shop facilitator translating leading edge science into simple tips and tools to create healthy, thriving families. Find her at TanisFrame.com