“You’re not the boss of me. I’m the boss of me.”
Personal Parenting Tips for Adults in 2016
How many times did I mutter those words to the two bewildered parental units tasked with the challenge of raising me! I couldn’t wait to grow up so I could be the boss of myself, and no one could tell me what to do.
Decades later, I have to admit that sometimes I am a lousy boss of me. I don’t always get enough sleep. I often grab food and gulp it down on the run. I forfeit a workout for a deadline. And when I am not being productive, my self-talk can be harsh and judgmental.
I found this little gem on Facebook: “Note to self. Treat yourself the way you would treat a small child. Feed yourself healthy food. Make sure you spend time outside. Put yourself to bed early. Let yourself take naps. Don’t say mean things to yourself. Don’t put yourself in danger.”
In 2016 I resolve to parent myself better … to be a better boss of me!
So what does good (adult) parenting look like?
A good parent instills healthy rituals.
They teach us to eat our vegetables and brush our teeth. They send us out to get fresh air and exercise. They see when we are tired or over-stimulated, and they ensure we get plenty of rest. They don’t stuff us with caffeine, sugar and alcohol, and leave us sit on our butts all day.
A good parent demonstrates self-regulation and self-differentiation.
They move us away from dependence and towards independence, and ultimately, inter-dependence. They teach us to know where others end and where we begin. They model how to connect meaningfully to others without losing identity and clarity of purpose. They teach us how to respectfully create boundaries and manage expectations.
A good parent protects our mental health.
They minimize our exposure to anxiety-ridden and fear-producing news or mindless screen time. They encourage us to surround ourselves with positive, ethical people who inspire us instead of tear us down. They encourage us to use our skills, abilities and proclivities. They teach us to re-frame failure as a lesson and show us how to be curious with our thoughts and not assume they are truths.
A good parent models a spiritual practice whether it be gratitude, prayer or religious observation.
None of these descriptions of “a good parent” will come as a surprise; they are common knowledge. It is not that we don’t know what to do, it is that we don’t do what we know we should do. It all comes back to leading your own life.
What about you?
Now that you are the boss of you, how do you parent yourself or lead your life? Are you a lousy parent to yourself or a good one? That is the beauty and the responsibility of being grown up. You get to consciously choose the kind of relationship you will have with yourself. It means waking up to the ownership of your personal parenting (read leading). However, I think we sometimes forget that not caring for yourself is as deliberate a decision as doing so is. Our lives are an accumulation of the decisions we make day after day. Taking charge of one’s own life involves some very simple and yet profound daily decisions.
Join me in 2016 and resolve to parent yourself well. It is not what we CAN do that makes the difference, it is what we WILL do.
